Just Say No... to Writing Checks

Some things in the retail world are just bad, and it doesn't matter if you experience them from the customer side or as an employee.

Paying by check at a store? It deserves top spot on the Things Bad For Everyone list.

Hey, I understand that folks are afraid of identity theft if they use debit or credit cards. I understand not wanting to carry around a pickpocket-friendly wad of cash. But you know what? You have to pick your poison. Greenbacks or plastic. No middle ground.

Maybe we'll play along if you're a thoughtful soul who's got the whole thing filled out ahead of time, just needing to write in the amount, and you hand it over pronto with a photo ID.

But do you need to: a) launch an expedition into your cavernous purse to find the checkbook, b) ask the cashier to borrow a pen, c) ask the cashier what today's date is, d) ask the cashier how to spell the name of the store, e) ask the cashier how much your total is, f) write the details in your checkbook register before handing the check (and pen) to the cashier, g) dig a little deeper into your Marianas Trench of a handbag to find your driver's license, and h) shoot the cashier a dirty look because she dared to ask for a driver's license in the first place?

The check is not your friend. All affected parties in the vicinity are thinking ugly, hateful things. They're stringing together a lot of four-letter words. They're aiming them at you. Someday you're going to write a check near an irate guy with unknown telekinetic powers and he's going to make a vase fly at your head. It's gonna hurt.

Trust me, I'm a professional.