Halloween Costumes -- Do's and DON'Ts

To Paint or Not To Paint?

It's a reasonable question if you're talking about a wooden chair, or a wall, or a house. But the human body? Probably best to leave it paint-free.

I was reminded of this recently, as the Halloween displays have started popping up in the store. Seeing the gargoyles and ghouls got me to reflecting about last year and one of my notable retail moments.

I was working on Halloween night, when a 20-something guy happened into the store. He asked where he could find the spray paint. I pointed him in the right direction (Aisle 8, left-hand side) and didn't think much more about it. He came back to the service desk a few minutes later, spray cans in hand:

"How many of these do you think it would take to cover me?"

"Sorry... what?"

"How many cans of paint do I need to cover myself with it?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh... you want to spray paint yourself?"

"Yeh. I'm going to a Halloween party, and I want to paint myself. I'm gonna go as a black dude."

Okay, which issue to address first: the fact that covering oneself -- including the face -- with an aerosol-propelled, latex pigment probably ain't the best choice for one's physical health? Or, the fact that going to a party as a "black dude" is a moronic choice that could set oneself up for a well-deserved beating? I chose the first path, more or less:

"I really wouldn't use this on your skin. It can't be good for you."

"Ahhhhhhh, I'm not worried about it. It probably comes off in the shower."

I stressed several more times that his plan, "even if you do close your eyes first", was not the way to go. He still bought two cans and was off into the night. I never saw him on the news or in the local paper. Presumably he wasn't poisoned or soundly thrashed.

But Halloween doesn't claim sole ownership of Stupid Self-Painting Plans:

Guess what happened this past 4th of July? A woman came in looking for liquid paint in Day-Glo colors. Why? She was going to paint her eyelashes before going to the local fireworks. Yes, the eyelashes that are a scant millimeter from your eyeballs. Yes, the eyeballs that give you the gift of sight and hurt like hell if one unpainted eyelash touches them.

Another can't-miss stroke of genius. She hasn't come back wielding a white cane... yet.