Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Coupons?

Unless I missed it in the paper, the U.S. Constitution hasn't been amended to include the right to receive coupons from retail stores. But people sure act like it was uppermost in the minds of the Founding Fathers.

First, a little background: my employer, like many retailers, puts a sales flyer in the Sunday papers. In general, it comes out every other week and includes a coupon good for 40% off one regularly-priced item. The coupon is good for 7 days (always a Sunday thru a Saturday) and is printed with its "valid" dates and a list of items it can't be used on. Oh yeah, and there's this written caveat: "one coupon per customer per day." Sometimes the flyer has a bonus coupon of some sort -- say, an extra 25% off on picture frames.

Another savings opportunity presents itself at the checkout line. It's called a "bounce-back" coupon. One prints out with the receipt, and it's valid for the following calendar week.

Pretty straightforward, right? Not exactly rocket science? I used to think so. The following events are all true and happened to me within a 2-hour period:

LadyA walked up to the register with two small children and their elderly grandfather. She put down three packages of stickers ($1.49 each) and a Sunday paper coupon. I rang them up, took her cash, and handed out her bounce-back.

She then had Child#1 lay five sheets of paper (89 cents each) and another Sunday coupon on the counter. I decided not to argue the finer points of "one customer." LadyA handed me the cash; I gave her the change and receipt. I crumpled up the bounce-back and threw it in my wastebasket. She grumbled something under her breath to Grandfather.

Then Child#2 placed an item ($1.99) on the counter with yet one more Sunday coupon. I rang it up and LadyA handed me the cash. I gave her the change and receipt and tossed the bounce-back. Another grumble, and then:

"Why are you throwing those away? They're my coupons!"

"Because that's not the intention of the coupons. It's one per customer."

"There are four of us here. We are all customers."

"You're the one paying for all of these items. You all count as one customer."

More grumbling and a huddle with Grandfather. Then he came up to the counter with a poster board ($1.49) and, yes, Sunday coupon #4. (Did you raid all your neighbors' doorsteps and swipe the flyers???) LadyA put the cash in his hand, then he passed it to me.

And I just had to go there. Handed him the receipt and threw away the bounce-back. And the beast was unleashed.

"You can't do that! He's a customer!"

"You gave him the money, and you're abusing the system. This was all *one* purchase. I gave you the courtesy of accepting the additional coupons."

"I will never shop here ever again." I miss her already.

And along comes Mrs. B. She's got 24 or 25 assorted skeins of yarn and several large picture frames. She hands me our competitor's sales flyer for the week.

"You price match, right? They've got the yarn on sale this week."

"We do, as long as it's the same brand and variety." (Pause to look it over.) "It is. You'll get 60 cents off on each of these."

I go through the process of individually overriding the price on each skein. It's slow and a pain, but she's a good shopper who just saved 12 bucks on yarn. And I ring up the frames.

Then she hands me our flyer, and, "I want to use this, too." She points to the "Teacher Appreciation" 15%-off-your-total-purchase coupon. The "my name" and "my school's name" spaces are blank.

"You didn't fill this out."

"No, I didn't."

"Do you have a teacher I.D.?"

"It doesn't say I have to." (Not, "It's summer and I don't have it with me" or "My school doesn't issue them." We're going to argue the legalese.)

"It's not printed there, but that's the idea. It's back-to-school time, and we're trying to help teachers get their classrooms ready."

"Well, it's not in writing."

"Well, I'm not taking it without proof."

She skulked away with her yarn (in muted, very grown-up colors -- not the bright primaries you'd use for student art projects) and over-the-sofa frames. That was fun.

Then, Picture Man came up with ten heavy, oversized frames.

"These are on sale. Do these qualify for the extra 25% off coupon?

"You bet. It's a nice deal."

I rang them up. We stood and looked at each other.

"I just need your coupon to scan."

"I don't have one. You can't just scan something?"

"No, you actually have to give me a coupon."

"You can't just take out another one and scan it?"

"I can't. Believe it or not, they actually count how many we collect and compare that to how many were scanned."

He stared. I stared back. He walked out, minus frames.

Finally, a little more insider info: Whenever there's a Sunday flyer ad, we display a copy at the store entrance. It's dry-mounted to piece of foam core poster board (24x36) and sits on an easel.

We used to have a bin next to the easel. It had "extra" copies of the flyer. About a year ago, the company stopped the Extra Flyer hand-out. Why? Because people would grab 10 flyers, rip out the coupons, and leave the rest as trash all over the store. So now we're on the Display Only system.

Three times last night -- that's three -- someone walked up to me holding the poster boarded display ad and asked:

"Do you have more of these?"

"No, we just get the one to display."

"I didn't bring my coupon. Can't you just scan this thing?"

At least nobody's tried to peel the ad off the board. But it's early yet.